The Wasted Years

“For every seeing soul there are two absorbing facts, - I and the abyss.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life was not what I thought it was or how I lived it out, but actually what I always knew it to be. I didn’t live it the way I wanted to as if every moment really mattered, and every moment was alive. I compromised myself. I adapted because of you, and all the strangers in the world. You drew me in to the illusion as I drew you in by return. We sank ourselves into the disbelief of the world and pretended, cheaply, that it was for real; and most of the time we even forgot what we truly knew.

I am really here just to absorb and when I separate myself I find quiet ways to help you and the world, and detached from any sense that I am doing right, or well, but acting more in an old-fashioned kind of way that does not need, nor seek, congratulation.

We are all adulterers confusing and bewitching each other, enjoying – or at least pretending to enjoy – our drunken folly, and we only remain for as long as we stay or until we can take no more, and reawaken ourselves to the gift and innocence of childhood; seeing ourselves where we once stood on the edge of an abyss we knew we could not ignore. And that was the image of our life with all its failings into which we fell, forgetting all time.

The Wise Man In Heaven

If I find when I die that everything is all equal, no pleasure or pain, everybody living and feeling and behaving the same; I may stop and ask myself: “Well, how did he get here? He didn’t think about Heaven at all. He was coarse and unkind.” And I may feel hard done by. All the extra work and effort I made in order to get to where I am, and for no extra reward. Is this fair?

Well, if I’m wandering around feeling hard done by and asking, “Why didn’t these people ever listen to me down there? I told them it would be like this if only they’d believe me, and act truthfully instead of their careless ways; so I completely wasted my time.”

Then, perhaps a wise man would come up to me and tap me on the shoulder and say, “Listen Paul, you didn’t have to behave like that down there, you just chose to. You chose to think about God and Heaven and Perfection and all these things, but you also chose to believe that nobody else thought as you did. Just like they chose to be as they were. You see, you choose what you want. There really are no limits. Everybody here, including you, chose to believe they’d go to Heaven when they die. That’s why they’re here. And now that you’re here, you can choose how you’re going to spend the rest of your eternity.”

This really set me thinking. “Blimey, if we chose this place what happened to all those poor people who thought they’d go to Hell, and all those terrible fires and all that misery? Don’t they just need to be told that they must stop believing it to be true for them? That they’re forgiven and that they are most welcome in Heaven.

“But then,” I carried on thinking, “that would be just like Earth was. I went back there to tell everybody that and it made no difference. Everybody just did as they wanted to do, so even if I go to Hell, it will just be the same… But what if I carry on here? I’m not happy carrying on here, thinking that some people are experiencing great misery just because they believe it to be true. Nobody else here seems to be caring about them that much, they’re just behaving like they did down there on Earth, having a good time.”

So I carried on thinking, just like I’d done on Earth.

At last, I decided what I’d do. I’d go and see the wise man and ask him what to do.

When I at last found him sitting all alone, calm as the long warm sunset stretched out behind him, I told him of my problem.

“I don’t know what to do with the rest of my eternity”, I told him anxiously. I awaited his reply. He looked at me so deeply. He could see that I was sad and troubled.

“Listen”, he said. – He always said “listen” before he said anything. “All you need to do is what you feel you want to do. If you do anything else you’ll just be putting off that feeling, but it won’t let you alone until you let it alone.

“The only will which exists is God’s Will. If you feel that your will is God’s Will then you should go and do what He says. But if you think that it’s just your own thought to go to help those people who are not in Heaven, then you’ll go there but you’ll be miserable, just like you were on Earth. And so they won’t listen to you.”

“Hum,” I thought, “that doesn’t seem like too much help.” The wise man read my thoughts. “Paul” he said, this time smiling at me a little, “all along your last life you spent studying the Truth, listening to and reading all the great scriptures. What they all told you is that there is only One. Unless you experience this One knowledge you will be deceiving yourself and you can never be happy. Accept this Truth and your mission will come clear to you.”

I was still not satisfied. In fact, I was growing impatient. “But what about everyone else?” I exclaimed. “They don’t even seem to think about these things. They don’t care whether there’s just One or several hundred million ‘ones’. They just do as they please. If I thought they were happy I’d be alright, but I don’t think that they are happy. In fact, I think they’re really very sad and suffering a lot.”

“Well then, Paul…” the wise man went on, but then all of a sudden he turned his head away to look at the sunset and as my eyes followed his I saw the tip of the great mighty orb sliding completely away behind the horizon, and when I turned to him again, he was gone.

Happiness, Wisdom, and Curiosity

HAPPINESS

…is, in a nut-shell, the Beginning and the End. I met a man once who had happiness. He was a very happy man. He was also, I must assume, a very wise man because he stood between his beginning and his end. He was all of the middle, of which there was nothing but himself. When I asked him what it was to be happy, he made no reply. He just looked at me with a great broad smile across his face and purity in his eyes. He was happy. But the curious feeling I also had from his face was that he was sad; a very sad man. I don’t know why, or not fully why, but I suspect quite strongly that he was sad because I was not happy. If I had been happy, like he would be happy, he would not have been sad. Perhaps he reflected me. My own feelings in him I suppose. I don’t know, but I know he was happy. Well, at least he was wise….

WISDOM

…is, in a nut-shell, simplicity; the art of knowing all things and needing nothing: immobility. I think I met a wise man once. I’m not totally sure, because he contained so many things, even all things I suppose, that he arose in me curiosity. And yet he himself remained static, unmoved. I asked him what is wisdom, and he looked at me, making no reply. I don’t think he could have said anything, he’d have spoiled the symmetry; but he looked at me as if to say that I, myself, knew the answer. He could give me nothing that I did not already have. I must say, I’m still slightly curious about him but then, if he is truly wise, and truly wise is to know all things, surely he knows curiosity.

CURIOSITY

...is a spiral, or more concisely, in a nut-shell, a mirage. It’s never arriving. Where there is curiosity there is always another question. I met a man once, who was curious… oh yes, now let me see – that was me!

Perhaps I should ask why I am curious. Surely that’s curiosity in itself, isn’t it? I don’t know. Maybe there aren’t any answers. I’ve yet to meet a man who could tell me that there were answers. The Happy man was wise and the Wise man was silent but gave rise to curiosity and curiosity can never be satisfied. Isn’t that right?

So where do we start? I must say, this is becoming most confusing. Maybe we don’t start, or maybe we already have started, but can’t remember when we did. Oh dear, dear, so many questions… What did the Happy man have to say? Oh yes, he was The Beginning and The End. And he was Happy but he also reflected my sadness - or, more precisely my not being so happy such that I needed to ask no more questions. And so he was also wise. Now Wisdom asks no questions either because it knows everything, and that means it knows if there are Answers or not. It knows that if there are Answers, they don’t matter, and if there aren’t answers that doesn’t matter either. Does that mean that nothing matters? What a strange question! That’s more curious than curiosity. How bizarre! I wonder what they’d both have to say about that. They’d probably laugh and smile, and look at me gently. Maybe I should ask them and see?

Written in the garden at 12 Galesbury Road, London SW18 on the afternoon of Sunday, June 8th, 1986

True Greatness…

As a human being alive today I have a responsibility which is more than art, which is more than seeking to be original. It is to stand firm in the face of all human activity, not seeking confrontation (for argument now is useless). The ideal is to stand beside an individual of greater knowledge and realization than oneself, yet upholding the same ideals and beliefs.

What is in The Aetherius Society for me - for anyone - is irrelevant. For how long may one stand unique?

Those who seek to be great will find, on achieving their goals, many truly greater than themselves who had never sought greatness. Greatness to them is simplicity, it is silence, it is equally the least and the greatest among men, for the true greatness is God Alone. Any other form of greatness is false, carrying pride.

Humility and intelligence, coupled with the single action of service, are very fine instruments.

Politics and Voting

Monday, January 5th, 1987

No political party is altogether good, nor is any party altogether bad. They ae all part good, part bad, for they are made up of the human species which are themselves part good and part bad.

The good part in man is the part which is constant, never changing in form or thought. The bad part is that which believes something – anything – other than the good; the difference between “fixed” and “volatile”. Since the nature of the fixed spirit is unalterable, its size is less important than the aim or beliefs of the volatile spirit. A man who is 99% good yet 1% bad, and that 1% has as its ultimate ambition anything other than seeking the remaining 99% is less useful than a man who is 1% good and 99% seeking to be good.

So long as a man or a group of men are seeking unity their time will be spent profitably. Therefore, when an election of men comes to pass the most suitable party for the good of all men is that party which is seeking good as its primary objective. This is likely to change from party to party from time to time. The difference between parties is only an apparent difference, just as the difference between men is only an apparent difference.

It is quite wrong to say one is Right Wing or Left Wing or Centre party, for one is a part of all three. Therefore, one should vote for the party which, irrespective of apparent issues such as Defence, the Economy, Employment or whatever, is seeking above all things Unity.

Where no party is seeking Unity above all things any vote is of no value for all changes in society will be only apparent, but un-sustained. On this understanding it is best of all to make no vote, in as much as one is voting for oneself, albeit a party of one man who is seeking, above all things, Unity. Such a man will be of a like-mind with another man who has acted the same. Together they have already formed a party which is both political and yet which transcends politics. So long as this desire for Unity remains their primary objective, the apparent consequences of the state will be of no importance.

Ultimately they shall sustain and maintain, being the only true state and form for mankind.

A Dream - January 28th, 1986

The following is an account of a dream which I had in the early hours of this morning.

The dream began with the acquaintance of a widow and I think her three sons. I had not met these people before and whilst I did not feel particularly drawn to any of them they insisted that I should accompany them. I was not aware of having any family of my own. This while incident was very brief.

 The next stage was being taken high over the world, roughly over the mid-Atlantic and then plummeting to a landmass north of Canada. The island itself was very large, dense and tropical, and I travelled there with these people who were taking me there. I distinctly remember, (and hence my unease about them), that they were remote characters, strangely possessed.

The island was evil. I was soon separated from the three sons, and do not remember the mother. Everyone seemed to be plotting to kill everyone else. Nobody spoke and fear reigned. Someone tried to kill me but fell into a trap himself and was then silently tortured by another of his own kind. My surroundings were like a dense jungle. There seemed no way of escape, and it was not possible to find rest. There was simply no trust on the island.

 The inhabitants were very deeply possessed; they were tribal and all cannibals. There was no art to living. I only encountered males who were all in their late teens, 20’s or 30’s.’ I remember one practice of torture of cutting joins off fingers and toes. Although I was not killed, I sensed there were some people plotting to kill me. The island was a den of black magic. I awoke.

On waking, my clearest conscious thoughts were that what it takes place here on earth is the result of what is happening on the ethereal level and that, great manipulation is taking place. There is a very strong source of evil, which takes possession very subtlety in a physical form.

At this point I called upon the opposing strength of Dr. George King of The Aetherius Society, so as to bring a sense of Light to my own self and the bedroom. I felt his immediate presence and response, and I also noted the portrait of Christ above my bed. I then openly declared three times that the Force of Good is never ending. I was no longer agitated and I returned to sleep. It must have been about 4:15 am.

Reflecting on this dream at breakfast the following morning I was able to acknowledge several very important metaphysical points.

1.       One can essentially trust no one other than oneself and oneself even less than a true master, for example Christ and as I had then just demonstrated to myself, Dr. George King.

2.       Evil is very subtle. (Hence point No. 1.)

3.       That what takes place on Earth is merely the spectacle, or effect, of what is taking place on another plane.

4.       That the force of evil is very strong.

5.       That the mind is fantastically subtle.

6.       That the truly great and advanced people amongst us are involved in manipulating Good energy.  That this is the highest role one can play on Earth, and that this, finally, is the destiny of all life.

7.       That the Love of God never fails.

In all, dream had been am examining experience from which I have gained a deeper insight into the knowledge of existence.

Lastly, this view has to be taken as entirely personal.

12 Galesbury Road, London SW18

Letter to Mr. Hardy

How have we created this vision of hell?

People say that I am no longer kind…